Let Me

I so desperately wish that life had a "delete" button so that everything I have ever learned about Christ, the Trinity, the Bible, church, and prayer would be completely gone. I wouldn't remember who it was that everyone referred to when they said "the Son of God." I wouldn't be able to tell you if heaven or hell existed--or any after life for that matter. The only thing I knew about the Bible was that it had a shiny cover and only rich, elite, "good" people were allowed to carry it around under their arm...but no one really ever read it...I mean, c'mon.

I hate having such a generic, cliche perception of who God "is." It's always the same thing. The same words are always uttered in prayer, and the same phrases are always used when no one knows what else to say..("God bless you", "I'll be praying for you", "Have you talked to God about it yet?", "God has such a great plan for you.")
It feels as if God is the same to everyone. The same God that everyone prays the same prayers to. The same God that apparently answers everyone the same way. The same God that everyone has the same quiet time with: in the same room everyday, reading the same verse over and over again because it "sticks out to you" (I detest that phrase), and doing every "motion" in the same order.

This works for some people. And actully, a lot of people don't mind it. They apparently like it, judging by the number of firm believers who seem to appreciate this "God" who is the exact same for every single person who has ever lived.

..But it doesn't work for me. I can't stand it. It annoys the hell out of me when people are always on the same level with everyone. Just ponder this: a friend who talks about the same things with all their friends and aquaintences. Always discussing what the hell is wrong in the world today, how we can prevent global warming, and why starbucks stopped selling everyone's favorite cappucino. Whatever the topic may be, it is all that is discussed. Nothing more. Nothing deeper...even between the best of friends.
Do you see the problem here?

Even in the most intimate of friendships, the person is still the same as he/she is with everyone else. That's how God feels to me sometimes. And it's extremely aggrevating.

In essence, I feel like this would all be solved if I had no idea of who Christ was when I was growing up. Of course, that would have it's down sides, obviously...but I wouldn't have to had grown up with all that "God bless you," "Jesus is the reason for the season," "Pray before you eat or you'll die" crap. Because then I wouldn'tbe prone to adopt the SAME ideas of who God is as every other American Christian has.

I want to start over. Forget about excelling in my relationship with Christ...before I can go anywhere with Him, I have to know who He is. Who He is not to everyone else, but to me. Who He is to me. I hate cliche Christianity...how could anyone know Christ on an intimate level (what it was designed for, by the way) if they are satisfied with knowing who they have been told by other Christians who He is? Stop feeding me this crap. I don't care who you think God is. I want to find out for myself.