I'm not sure how I am right now. When someone asks me "how are you?" I reply the generic "good." But I'm so much more than good--I'm content.
It's such a better feeling than happiness, excitement, or anticipation. Those feelings fade; they're inconsistent.
I'm not content in that I don't want to see changes happen in my life, but I'm content in that I know that one day changes WILL happen. Whether it be next week, after I graduate, or 10 years from now, I know something amazing is going to happen in my life..
I don't want to go to grad school, I don't want to invest in some casino in Vegas and make billions, and I don't want to marry the first guy who says I'm pretty and live in Florida 'til I die..I want so much more than that. I want to see the GRAND CANYON!!--Silly, huh? So many people have been there a million times, but I haven't. And I want to see it. I also want to stand on top of Mt. Everest, scuba dive hundreds of feet down in the Pacific, walk through art museums in France, and maybe even dance on the moon!
..Everyday I find in myself a stronger desire to be something more...and maybe "content" isn't the right word; maybe this whole thing seems like such a paradox--but I really can't think of another way to describe it...
..I'm learning to get over things--to let things go. It's bitter at first, but after I'm finally set free of it, it's so beautiful. For the first time in my life, I don't care if I don't get married. I don't care if my kids names aren't EXACTLY Noah, James, and Abby. I don't care if I don't own a huge house tucked back in the country, and I don't care if I spend the rest of my life living in an unknown tribe in Africa....I just want to live.
It's such a better feeling than happiness, excitement, or anticipation. Those feelings fade; they're inconsistent.
I'm not content in that I don't want to see changes happen in my life, but I'm content in that I know that one day changes WILL happen. Whether it be next week, after I graduate, or 10 years from now, I know something amazing is going to happen in my life..
I don't want to go to grad school, I don't want to invest in some casino in Vegas and make billions, and I don't want to marry the first guy who says I'm pretty and live in Florida 'til I die..I want so much more than that. I want to see the GRAND CANYON!!--Silly, huh? So many people have been there a million times, but I haven't. And I want to see it. I also want to stand on top of Mt. Everest, scuba dive hundreds of feet down in the Pacific, walk through art museums in France, and maybe even dance on the moon!
..Everyday I find in myself a stronger desire to be something more...and maybe "content" isn't the right word; maybe this whole thing seems like such a paradox--but I really can't think of another way to describe it...
..I'm learning to get over things--to let things go. It's bitter at first, but after I'm finally set free of it, it's so beautiful. For the first time in my life, I don't care if I don't get married. I don't care if my kids names aren't EXACTLY Noah, James, and Abby. I don't care if I don't own a huge house tucked back in the country, and I don't care if I spend the rest of my life living in an unknown tribe in Africa....I just want to live.
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